I know it’s not exactly a subject that I need to creep around. We’ve all seen those suspiciously named accounts – “people” who claim to be from somewhere you’ve had nothing to do with and a profile picture consisting mainly of tits. Maybe a rogue slip of skin that entirely informs us of her favourite wax style if they’re really dedicated.

The biography descriptions reveal what this is really all about, and it’s these that finally flip my switch. (No, not in that way. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

The bios of porn accounts are less suggestive than they are garish and downright upfront. In general I’m pretty ok with this – I don’t have an issue talking about sex, ladybits or man issues in front of many people. Everyone experiences sex at some point and this isn’t the 1800s – though ironically its the generations of old that helped establish the kinkier, forbidden parts that we really like to hear about, because society condemned it when they were secretly at it in the pantry after tea time. No, what really irks me is that despite being located on very much a 21st Century social media platform, in a time when women get to pick who they sleep with, who they fall in love with and who they leave well and truly by the wayside, these pricks who have nothing better to do than attempt to wave someone’s cock in our faces are stupid enough to make porn really unattractive, really embarrassing and, worst of all, outrageously degrading.

Caitlin Moran tackles the topic of porn in her refreshingly honest book How To Be A Woman, and it’s alienation of women. How next to no one has cottoned on that times are changing, and if they had an ounce of common sense the porn industry would too. Feminists are not condemning porn. That’s right – we’re NOT. We’d LIKE porn as much as the next over-hormonal teenage boy… If any woman featured looked even mildly like they were having a good time.

But being thrown around a room for 5 minutes by a narcissistic douchebag who can’t keep it up without sploodging in her eyes? Perlease. I have way more fun by myself thank you very much. And that right there is the beauty of the choices females have with their sex lives now – we don’t have to deal with a porn industry that stubbornly refuses to embrace the sexual freedom fought for by so many. Ann Summers exists. If the porn industry in general won’t cater to our needs, Ms Summers will happily step right in.

That is why you won’t find me – or any other western women for that matter – investigating the bird on Twitter from Texas who bangs like a fairy on acid. Because although she’s found her way onto my follower list, she’s about as modern as Henry VIII.

To summarise? Twitter porn doesn’t belong in a land where women, on the whole have more sense and more choice. And with that in mind, I certainly don’t belong on their target list.

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