It’s a strange day when your co-host seriously suggests that you pay £25 to go to a female orgasm workshop. “For the good of womankind everywhere”, was her reasoning. Now I’m no prude, so happily signed up (at the risk of Sam not signing up straight after. I should have thought harder about that part if I’m honest), and we nervously made our way to the Sh! store on Portobello Road to be taught all about the glorious Big-O.
The lovely lady leading our little class was Renee – the open, motherly figure who addressed every topic carefully and unashamedly in equal measure. We’d both gotten a little jittery about what the class would entail and how it would be handled on the way in (not helped at all by the tube breaking down so we turned up late. Of all the things in the world we hadn’t wanted to turn up late to, this was one of them), but Renee handed us a glass of pink bubbly and without giving us another second to feel a nervous twinge, introduced us to Rosie.
Renee used Rosie to demonstrate exactly what each part of the downstairs mixup does for us when we score a little bit of sexy time (alone or not), and when we got over the surreal experience of finding Rosie’s g-spot for ourselves, we actually found ourselves a little wiser about this whole climax shebang. We wont get too graphic for you, and frankly we’re a bit too giggly to do Renee’s lessons the justice they deserve, however a tip for the boys… aim for 1 and 11 o’clock. Thank us later. Maybe don’t tell us how you get on though please.
We also got, quite literally, a hands-on run through of some of the best (and er…biggest) toys stocked by the Sh! Emporium. From bullets and balls to lubes and lotions, not to mention possibly the sparkliest vibrator to have graced any underwear drawer, they came nicely advertised with advice on the perfect setting for a night alone with a battery powered boyfriend. And with a discount voucher on Sh! products as part of our workshop price hot in our hands, an investment in the height of pleasure is pretty appealing to be honest, and Renee can guide you to the exact toy your looking for based on the way your “buttons” work. If there’s one thing that lady certainly did, it was reassure you that the little things we all worry about are all quite normal. Yes, even that thing.
Both of us (well, ok, mostly I), did giggle through the workshop an awful lot – the outburst of MJ’s Thriller in the middle of the whole thing all but had me rolling around the floor in a fit – but we learnt a lot. Most impressively, both the Sh! stores stock porn… For WOMEN. Yes. The thing that Caitlin Moran herself has been praying for – pornography that thinks about what women want as well as the men.
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