Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian. They seem to have it all figured out. A large group of females getting to know each other as friends, going out on dates, settling down with that special someone, being monogamous… and getting a cat.

Lesbian cats
We don’t like to generalise. We just enjoyed the pussy pun.

I’m not going to lie. I enjoy being a young gay man. There are opportunities that I get presented with that many of my straight friends cannot quite fathom. Weekends spent dancing until the wee hours with nothing on but a pair of jeans. Lack of responsibility. Meaningless sex.

But, do I want this?

I have spent the last ten years as a proud gay man hunting for that elusive ‘someone’. I do the dancing because I like to dance and a deep-rooted fear – that irrational voice inside my head – tells me that if I fail to go out then I could be missing out on that opportunity of meeting ‘the one’.

This same feeling is why I have downloaded and created my various online gay dating accounts. In the gay world, I’ve found that it’s easier to meet a man online and arrange a ‘meet’ (defined as ‘fun’), than it is to find someone to date. Dating just doesn’t seem to happen.

Online dating is a whole new experience. There are a lot of sites available: Gaydar, Grindr, Growlr, MaleForce, Scruff and Fitlads, to name a few. I think it’s fine to make the initial contact through an artificial medium. But hiding behind a computer screen won’t let you meet the actual person. Where is the human interaction? The body language? Spontaneous conversation? Cheeky eye contact? Accidental touches?

I have chosen my various accounts because I am so busy with work that I need an additional opportunity to ‘advertise’ myself. I am the product – who will sign along the dotted line for me? I sign in, hoping that I may meet a nice lad that I would be able to ‘click’ with.

There were – and still are – times that I meet a decent man and end up in a sexual situation with him. After the ‘deed’, I peek at him as we dress and hope that he mentions that he wants to see me again. Hope that he doesn’t want to leave and that, instead, suggests we should go for a walk together. I hope that I won’t be left alone.

But what is dating?

In Victorian times, people dated through a series of ‘courting’ activities. There was a gradual approach to finding that ‘special someone’.

Nowadays things have changed. There seems to be an urgency for people to ‘find the one’ instantly. And should you be single, people wonder if there is something wrong with you!

Maybe I need to introduce the lesbian idea to gay men. Get a large group of gay men together to get to know each other as friends, go out on dates, settle down with that special someone and be monogamous.

I’d skip the getting a cat bit though. I prefer dogs.

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