Ever watched a film and wondered if there is a dark side? Thought that your humble children’s movies were just that – hearts and flowers? In reality, many films actually have rather a sinister plot to them. But for reasons that I can’t fathom, because there is a cute animal/love story/manly hero of some kind, people seem to just accept it as okay.

It isn’t ok. And I’ll be breaking these down week by week. Beware. This is about to get dark…

Movie Clapperboard

Freaking dinosaurs!!!! How cool is that?

Or what really happened…

Shoddy park management and trouble with the insurance guys. 

I mean. That park should have worked. It’s not that it’s a dinosaur park that’s the problem, because the film strongly implies that because of their nature (that they are wild animals, ya know – dinosaurs) that the park would never work.

I disagree.  True, I think they are fairly scary, what with the whole ‘could eat you as canapés’ thing they have going on. But then again lions are wild animals, and we put them in zoos. Elephants. Elephants accidentally kill people way more than Lions. Yet they seem okay to be you know, looked at from a cage or a safari truck.

So, this is what I think went wrong:

  • Don’t breed a T-Rex if you’re that worried about them getting out, and eating you. Stay with the veggie dinos. They are still dinosaurs and therefore awesome, but you can make sure that they don’t want eat you. Think it through is all I’m saying.
  • Better cages. In the beginning, one dino just breaks the door of his cage. This dude just pushes it away. No. That’s not a bunny rabbit that cage is holding. IT’S A FREAKING DINOSAUR. Just sort it out. Use reinforced adanmtium walls or something.
  • Better computer system. That was way too easily shut down. I’d leave it to Apple. They seem on it. Clearly not Vista. That’s just inviting something to go wrong.
  • Thorough vetting of people. If they seem disgruntled and unhappy, they might try stealing shit. FIRE THEM. Again maybe get the people who run Google or Pixar to do a lecture on how to make your employees happy. They seem to have a good system down. Then again if people aren’t happy in their line of work re-creating dinosaurs, they are the type of people who will always be miserable. The kind when they see a sunny day say  ‘it’ll rain tomorrow’ or something.

If I had been in charge. Shit would have got done.

If you think you have spotted the secret plot to any movies, leave a comment!

Join our tribe

We promise to pop a whole host of good stuff into your inbox every Wednesday to brighten up your week. Can't say fairer than that now can we?

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.