Ever since I can remember, I’ve had a crush on someone famous. You probably think this is nothing unusual, that everyone has crushes on celebrities; well let me elaborate.
Before I discovered more popular crushes such as David Tennant and Johnny Depp, I fancied some really odd celebrities, so bizarre in fact they wouldn’t even make Heat’s Weird Crushes list (and even Karl Pilkington has been mentioned on that one).
Before I continue, may I first apologise to my boyfriend and reassure him that all these people were on my crush list wayyyyy before I met him and now he’s the only one for me…honest.
Gonzo from the Muppets
Like every youngster, I loved the Muppets. I had every movie on VHS, would cry if they were taken away and knew all the lines to all the songs (ok, I still do now, but it’s more normal behaviour when you’re 6). And my favourite was always Gonzo, in fact he became my first crush…aged 4 ¾.
Yes, that’s right, I fancied a Muppet. An over-sized sock, a fictional “what the hell is that”, he was always the oddball of the group, and for very good reason. He had a big nose shaped like a banana, odd shaped eyes and his girlfriend was a chicken. Wow, what a catch he would have made, if he hadn’t been made of felt that is.
Ever since I set my eyes on Simon Pegg in Spaced as the geeky Tim Bisley, I knew I’d found my “nerdy crush”. Ginger, awkward and a fan of Star Wars, this was the most awesome (albeit fictional) character I’d encountered since my Muppet days.
He was lanky, pale, worked in a comic book shop and was a geek before it was cool…all these negatives that others saw in him, only added to his appeal for me.
Although my crush on Mr Pegg has dwindled over the years (especially after he did Run Fatboy Run…what was he thinking) a tiny candle must still be alight somewhere in the back of my coincidence, as at his book signing a few years ago I decided curtsying in front of him was a really good idea.
I don’t mean James Corden now; when he’s lost his weight, helped Doctor Who, appeared half naked in Heat magazine and even been forgiven for his part in Horne and Corden (which not even I saw coming). No, I fancied the original Corden, even when he was going off the rails, constantly getting drunk and literally falling into the gutter, I still had a soft spot for him…even if his middle name is Kimberly.
And I’m not one of these Johnny-come-latelys who have only just cottoned onto Corden. I remember fancying him on the CBBC show, Out of Tune, that’s right I haven’t just jumped on the bandwagon; I’ve been a passenger since my early teens.
My first hero, to this day this man is a complete inspiration in my eyes, just now I don’t look at him with lustful eyes, but with respectful, ladylike eyes of admiration.
This man has been through so much in his life, and his book is one of the most powerful autobiographies you will ever read. But when I was in my teens, it was all about Back to the Future. I wanted Marty Mcfly to whisk me away in the Delorean, tell me that “where we were going we didn’t need roads”, and surprise me with my very own hover-board.
This crush would have been fine if I’d been born earlier on in the 80s, when he was the ultimate heartthrob, the only man that could pull off wearing a thermal-like jacket without looking like he should be in one of your Grandma’s magazines.
But unfortunately I was about ten years late to this party, and therefore unfairly looked down upon ever since, life can be so cruel.
Brooker once described himself as having a “face like a rucksack full of dented bells.” and he frequently mocks his appearance as much as he mocks others in his wonderfully written columns.
His hair is so quiffed it’s starting to resemble a Mcflurry, his expressions sometimes resemble a potential serial killer and his dark twisted mind came up with the story where the prime minister has sex with a pig. I can only presume that this crush came along out of admiration for his writing rather than his…ahem…dashing looks.
And one more for sheer embarrassment sake…
Tom from Mcfly (before he got thin)
When Tom from Mcfly got his kit off, the world finally recognised that there was something…dare I say it…sexy about him and his band mates. But while most women gushed over his newly formed six-pack, I was bitterly disappointed, and a crush I’d held for nearly five years came to an abrupt end. Why? Well I liked the Tom that had bad hair, a slight podgy tummy and freckles, not this fake photo shopped version,
Although to this day, you can’t deny the guy’s talent. Who else can write the lyrics, “When I fell in love with Uranus” and still get away with it?
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