Some random survey apparently said 94% of British women make the most noise in the bedroom compared to just 6% of men who like to growl and moan louder than their female sexual partners.

Ever since those Herbal Essences adverts or that scene in When Harry Met Sally, we’ve all been screaming “Yes, yes, yes!” Or have we?

Meg Ryan When Harry Met Sally
I’m not going to bitch about porn. I like porn as much, if not more, than the next woman. But all that screaming like a banshee has left me with a sore throat (and a sore something else, if I’ve been lucky).

Maybe it’s just me but I’m hoping you’ll all agree that the amateur dramatics of screaming your lungs off until your face goes blue is all a bit OTT.

For example, I’d been away on a work trip and was leaving the hotel about 11am after a decent lie-in. I’d packed my bags, scoffed my fry-up and was waiting for the lift when I heard a chilling sound. Was I about to be a key witness in a murder? Had someone scolded themselves on the travel kettle? No, it was just a woman in the throws of passion with a scream so loud and exaggerated that I thought she was giving birth.

And then there was the couple of nights where I was in London town with the other half and we were woken up at 4am by the Spanish screams of some saucy senorita. Despite it being incredibly sexy, I couldn’t help but think that she was putting it on just a little bit too much.

We all do it, when all that requires is a moan and groan or seven, we scream from the high heavens to give our men reassurance. But do they need it like that?

I have male friends who are put off by excessive Yes-Yes-FUCKINGFUCKMENOWYES-ing. And then there’s the friend who still lives at home and had to literally gag his new fuck buddy because he didn’t want his parents to hear.

Whilst it’s all well and good having a jolly old time and having your G-spot pleasured ever so beautifully, I often wonder if it’s time to ease off the screeching and replace it with whatever we feel like- moans, groans, “What are you doing? My clit isn’t there!”

In the throws of love making and meaningless sex, we never really stop to think if what we’re doing is because we genuinely love it or because we’re programmed to think we should be screaming out lungs out like Celine Dion.

My advice? A little hushed heavy breathing in his ear and genuinely felt moans and groans will probably mean a lot more to him than you acting out that restaurant scene. Ease up on your lungs, you’ll relax more and not find yourself with a non-deep throat induced sore throat.

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