There are times when you are watching TV and an advert annoys you so much that you start noticing things about similar adverts and feel the need to write about it so you can vent before exploding like a big bile bomb. This is one of those times.
The advert in question – Joop, Homme Wild
*In a strange grizzly voice* – “Gooood, baaaad, gooood, baaaaad”, and just in case that didn’t clear it up, here’s the advert in all it’s sloppy glory.
So yeah. This advert annoyed me. A lot. But it didn’t just do that, it made me start paying attention to other crap perfume adverts. And by crap perfume adverts, I mean perfume adverts. These adverts are such appalling money vacuums. They pretty much all share the same kind of script, they might as well make 3 stock adverts and just change the name at the end with the appropriate product. It will save them millions.
He looks at her.
She looks at him.
He looks lustfully at her.
She looks coyly at him.
He takes his top off.
Wanque, by Emporio Armani
This probably sums up about 80% of the perfume adverts on TV. This is my unisex stock advert. Use it for perfume or aftershave, I don’t care. The format is as riddled with clichés as Lance Armstrong is with doping allegations. There is one where Natalie Portman shows off some Christian Dior smelly water. The typical frenchy music plays in the background, Natalie rolls around as if she is spooning with the bottle. Magical.
Even Lynx, the smell of teenage desperation, is more inventive with its advertising. You would imagine all these premium luxury brands would do something a little bit more….. not shit. Use the Old Spice adverts as an example, he’s on a goddamed horse. That advert is brilliant. Just google “I’m on a horse” if you haven’t seen it. Now.
To show some kind of balance, maybe not all adverts are the same. Just look at Lady Ga Ga’s freaking nightmare of an advert. But this is coming from a woman who wore a meat suit, so you’d expect no less. She is Hannibal Lecter’s fantasy made real after all.
Perfume advertisers, sort it out.
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