I have a friend who gets up early in the morning. Just as day is dawning. He picks up all the post bags in his van. All he’s short of is a black and white cat, his own theme tune and an unnecessarily long form that sees his name changed to Pat and BAM – he’s the star of a popular children’s show.
Considering what a nosey bugger I am, I fail to see how I overlooked how much gossip there is to be had as a postman. I’ve had a surprising chat with my postman friend about some of the crazier tales he might have dealt with in the past as a postie in a small community and er… well. There’s much more boobs (or lack of) involved than I could ever have dreamed.
(Posted on behalf of our anonymous postman)
Whatever turns you on…
One Saturday morning I get to a house. “Knock knock” on the door and woman answers wearing sexy underwear. I handed her the packet… and the response? “Ohhhh I’m gonna enjoy this!”
No guessing what that was then. Some time later I visited another house with a new parcel which had a lose seal. As a lady answered the door the seal broke completely, spilling a pile of porn films all over the floor. To say the look we shared when that happened was awkward is an understatement.
Making a boob of yourself
One early morning I’d walked past a gentleman on the stairs on the way to his house. I knocked on the door, and a lady answers. She’s stark naked… she thought it was her husband. She didn’t even bother trying to hide it after that – we had no secrets. Strangely on the same day I experienced a second bout of nakedness – this time the lady who answered had at least kindly attempted to get dressed, but had unfortunately left her boob hanging out of her top. Full whack.
I suppose it’s the effort that counts.
Kiss and tell
One of my colleagues was having a full scale affair with a saucy housewife. One day he returned to the office with an enormous black eye.
That’s right – the husband had found out. He’d opened the door to the postman, asked “have you slept with my wife?” and punched him in the face before the bloke had time to answer. To be fair, he couldn’t expect much else!
Mr and Mrs
I handed over a packet to a man one morning. A little later I realised I’d forgotten one so I returned to his house to deliver his last parcel. I gave it to him alright, but what threw me is that he was now dressed as a woman.
As I proceeded down the rest of his street I got wind of exactly what he was up to that day; I noticed a white van pull up, and out gets the most manly of men (tattoos and everything). He knocks on the door, the man dressed as a lady answers, grabs the bloke by the wrist and leads him in!
All well and good as long as they’re happy – it was just very early in the day to process all of this.
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