If, like me, you’ve had enough of hearing Noddy Holder scream “It’s Christmas” and are sick of listening to George Michael whine about “Last Christmas” (which he’s been moaning about since the late 80s…seriously move on George), you’ve probably already taken to avoiding the radio altogether in a bid to stay sane over the festive season.
But we know you don’t want to feel like a Scrooge, so to help you feel Christmassy without having to listen to Slade, Shakin Stevens and the latest X Factor contestant, here’s some alternative Christmas songs that will get you feeling festive without annoying you, no matter how many times you listen to them.
Bo Selecta : Proper Crimbo (Selecta)
Before Keith Lemon came Avid Merrion, the celebrity stalker who could also do a remarkable Craig David impersonation, accompanied by his friend Kez the Kestrel. I wish I was making this up…
One Christmas he got some celebrity “friends” together to sing about having a proper crimbo. Cameos included Craig from Big Brother, David Sneddon, Mel B, Dermot O Leary (pre X Factor) and Bob Geldof. It’s genuinely the weirdest lineup you’ll ever see in a pop video, but it somehow works. Combining these odd celebrity cameos with a big-ass choir and you’ve got yourself a proper crimbo Christmas tune.
Sure it’s a bit dated now (John Leslie and Matthew Wright feud anyone?), and it’s slightly immature with all its talk of wetting the bed in excitement, but it must have struck a chord with a fair few people, as it reached number 3 in the charts.
Geraldine McQueen : Once Upon a Christmas Song
If you’ve had enough of the Matt Cardle’s, Leona Lewis’s and Joe McElderry’s (who!) dominating ever Christmas chart, then you may want to hear Peter Kay’s own X Factor creation, Geraldine McQueen. Perfect if you’re a little tired of Simon Cowell clones and want to see what Peter Kay looks like in a dress (he’s got shockingly great legs actually), this allows you to feel Christmassy while simultaneously mocking the X Factor.
And this time round you won’t have to scream “f**k you I won’t do what you tell me” and risk sounding like a stroppy teenager either.
Plus it has a really catchy chorus…over and over and over again…
Sum 41 and Tenacious D: Things I Want
One of the coolest rock groups combine with one of the most legendary comedy duos to create a Christmas song that’s not only funny, but it’ll also give you some ideas of what to ask relatives for Christmas this year ( gold motorbike and a robot pelican anyone?).
You’ll never look at your Christmas present list the same ever again, I guarantee it.
Garfunkel and Oates: Present Face
We’ve all been there, you asked for some nice jewellery but instead you were given a pair of Primark socks and a book from Poundland. But you can’t look ungrateful for these (quite frankly rubbish) presents, especially in front of the entire family, so you have to put on a “present face”. This seasonal poker face makes sure that you don’t hurt dear old grannies feelings.
Need to practise your present face? Garfunkel and Oates give a master class in how it’s done.
Busted: Hark the Herald Angels Sing
If you just want to hear some Christmas classics sung in an alternative fashion, then you can’t go wrong with an old school tune brought into early 2000 style pop. I was, and still am to some extent, a massive Busted fan so admittedly I am slightly biased on this one, but hear me out.
As odd as this video is, in their defence, the only reason Busted are singing this in a fake retirement home is because it formed part part of a CITV special dedicated to them (which involved Pete Waterman sending them round London trying to find their guitars…don’t ask), but the fans loved it so much it became a B side on a single (remember them?).
Then after you’ve listened to that, if you fancy something a little more chilled out, they’ve also covered Merry Christmas Everyone (which I may or may not listen to every year when decorating the tree).
Don’t like any of these alternatives? Then just go out and buy the new John Travolta and Olivia Newton John Christmas album, it’s like Grease, but with more Christmas and no leather onesies.
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