Happy New Year, we made it! I always knew those Mayans were full of crap. We have survived so many apocalypi (the plural of apocalypse) in the last few years, we can consider ourselves true survivors. And I mean that in the Hollywood sense. In fact, we are superior to the Hollywood end-of-world survivors, as we didn’t even let the impending doom break our stride. We march on to the next one, which is probably in about 6 months or so for one reason or another. I’ll dust off my Nostradamus book and see what he says.
I guess I probably should have guessed that everything would be ok after seeing a photo of a modern day Mayan tourist hot spot in Mexico selling 2013 calendars. Bit of a giveaway really. I kid you not. When Mayans don’t even believe Mayans, I find it difficult for myself to believe them. Their level of technology at the time was a bit more limited than nowadays, so I guess we can forgive them for providing reason for the mindnumbingly depressing end of the world special effects extravaganza disaster movie 2012. But after that movie, my patience for them is wearing thin. Be warned Mayans. You may not believe in your own people, but believe me. Give cause for another crap movie and I will have to end you.
But we made it to 2013 and that means it is time for our New Year’s resolutions again. Funny how it always happens the same time every year right? Coincidence? I’ll ask Nostro(damus). I don’t normally put too much stock in these resolutions and never really give them that much thought before hand. But this year is different. I hesitate to say that I am more mature this year. I hesitate because I still genuinely believe that I am as mature as a twelve year old laughing at the word boobies.
Infantile mammary slang aside, I have actually thought of some sensible resolutions for 2013. I feel like I am at a pivotal point in my life, and if there is a time to set myself some goals, this is it. Last year I lost my first proper career type job. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for that pesky recession. But I took it in good stride and now is the time to make that step up the ladder. So the first resolution writes itself (technology these days eh?). Time for me to get myself that gratifying step up the career ladder and start earning myself some proper money for once.
This leads me onto the next two. Firstly, I am going to get my driving license and terrify other road users with my exquisite driving. They will be scared of me because I am so good, not for more nefarious reasons. Once I hit the road (with my car, not my face), my options for job hunting open up like a thing that seriously opens up. Like a flower blossoming, or the legs of the hos and man-hos on Geordie Shore. I prefer the flowers personally, no offense pet.
Once I have found my reet sweet job, it is time for me pack. As soon as I set up and am financially secure, I need a new abode. I currently share a house with two guys I knew from university. Unfortunately, it seems like they are unaware of acceptable living standards. There have been times where my kitchen has been left in such a state that I am sure there are new strains of deadly bacteria developing in the mess. Surely 2013 is the year to leave this life of mess behind.
And last but definitely not least (due to the issue’s significant size), me, and my significant size. I am not blobular, but I fear I am edging that way due to my real passion for crap (but tasty) food. We may have to set up some kind of High Tea charity fund for me because if I am successful, I will need a lot of new and smaller clothes. Wish me luck on this one, as it is a sentiment I have expressed many times before changing my mind two weeks later.
So, new job, new car, new house, new me. I’m not setting my sights too high for 2013 am I? What are your new years resolutions (and health tips)?
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