Advertising is a multi billion pound industry, with some mega corporations spending more money on a single ad campaign than you will ever make in your life (probably). So you’d imagine adverts would be like Oscar winning works of art then wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong. Thanks to extensive personal studies and calculations (watching TV), I have calculated that 85% of all advertising is crap.

I present to you the second installment of Crapverts – the crap of advertising, and if you missed the first part, have no fear, you’ll find it here.

The “Award Winning”… 

I start with a double act that I don’t have a video link for and don’t want a video link for. I am not prepared to give the bottom feeders more any more air time, all I need is a photo of Martin Freeman’s reaction to the problem concerned as the phenomenal Sherlock was beaten to an award by someone.

Advertising

I am referring to the “BAFTA award winning” Made in Chelsea and the “Sherlock beating” The Only Way is Essex. Every time I hear them described in their adverts as award winners, I die a little inside. If they can win a BAFTA for the tabloid trash that can only serve as an indictment of the nation’s education system, it renders the awards as worthless as Mr Freeman’s reaction perfectly sums up.

McDonalds, World Peace

Next we have a repeat offender. I obviously need to have words with the McAdvertising agency. The underlying message of the advert isn’t terrible, but the tag line still rumbles me. A kid catches an old man’s eye and they give each other a knowing smile as if speaking to each other’s souls because they both put their fries in the lid of their burger box. Queue the tag line, “We all have McDonalds in common”. No. We. Do. Not. A message of unity should be fine, but world peace is hardly going to come about from cardboard French fry storage habits. Also, the “music” at the start is dirge.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aG7kKYs-Wno&w=500&h=281]

Samsung S4, I Don’t Care

Set the scene. You have an American style high school basketball match. We’ve got cheerleaders, referees, mascots, the lot. Now we move to the ballers all kitted up in the locker room looking serious. One’s listening to some music… he has a brilliant idea, they can all listen to music to get pumped up. HELL YEAH!! But he chooses a song of GLEE level crapness and frankly it is embarrassing seeing them get psyched and fist pumping to this song. Have they never heard Eye of the Tiger?  They might as well be listening to Just In Bebo. 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5jQ0d7BgWU&w=500&h=375]

Head and shoulders, Minimum Wage 

Joe Hart earns roughly £100k a week. It must be hard to get by on such pittance. So when Head & Shoulders approaches you with an advert where you have to act like a tit, you are going to jump at the chance for the extra pocket money right? At least it accurately sums up the delicate fragile nature of professional footballers. By fragile, I mean they are dicks.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQel8rz6Kxo&w=500&h=281] 

Clairol Nice & Easy, Kate and the nugget

I have saved the most offensive for last. Poor Kevin, he’s gone through so much he’s going grey due to the natural process of aging. But Kate, bugger me, she’s still Kate! Silly Kevin, he believes that when you age, you become a completely different person. So if she naturally ages, she no longer has the same level of worth and loses her beauty? Screw you Kevin you superficial spam nugget. I suspect that what we can take away from this advert is, Kevin really wants to wake up with another woman. What an ass.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7Q1sC-LNDc&w=500&h=281]

What adverts grind your gears?

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