1. If you can’t button your shirt over your gut, let it hang open over a white t-shirt.

You’ll look daring, rakish and not at all ridiculous.

This is not his most unappealing look.
This is not his most unappealing look.

2. 0-60 in 3.6 seconds is fast.

…And I don’t care.

3. Personifying cars is charming.

Not at all juvenile.

4. I could be persuaded to care about cars…

…by an electric super-car in a bright yellow jacket…

5. …Even after Clarkson compared it to a Rampant Rabbit…

6. …Which at least explains why he appeared to reach completion behind the wheel. 

You know exactly what that face means.
You know exactly what that face means.

7. Clarkson talking about “pumping juice” makes me uncomfortable. 

8. Nobody else has noticed how much James May looks like a seasick Meryl Streep.

Mamma mia!
Mamma mia!

9. Hammond is quite attractive.

Until he stands up, that is.

10. A sensible solution to citywide flooding is hovercrafts.

11. Hugh Jackman is both extremely hairy and a man-shaped sex machine…

Better than a car.
Better than a car.

12. I would like to smell him.

  • 13. I feel the same way about Hugh Jackman as Clarkson does about cars.

  • I suspect so anyway.

14. The only person who is endearing when they talk about themselves in third person is Wolverine.

15. Clarkson finds the name of village “Penistone” as funny as I do.

16. Some people can hear the words “lift and thrust” without smirking.

I am not one of them.

17. Every show on TV is actually about sex.

18. I am too immature for Top Gear. 

Yep, more immature than this.
Yep, more immature than this.

Join our tribe

We promise to pop a whole host of good stuff into your inbox every Wednesday to brighten up your week. Can't say fairer than that now can we?

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.