PRO: The audition rounds. You know you love them.

 

CON: All good things must come to an end.

 

PRO: Performances from real-life celebrities.

 

CON: We’re still pretending that Olly Murs is a celebrity.

Dear Diary, please excuse my sweatshirt...
Dear Diary, please excuse my sweatshirt…

 

PRO: This genuinely catchy medley.

 

CON: Isn’t that pretty much just the One Direction song?

 

PRO: Rylan Clarke.

 

CON: Christopher Maloney.

He's coming for your babies.
He’s coming for your babies.

 

PRO: Gary Barlow.

 

CON: Louis Walsh.

If I do this often enough they won't fire me.
If I do this often enough they won’t fire me.

 

PRO: Sharon Osbourne is BACK, with her shouty antics and terrifying hair.

 

CON: This has been the year when Tulisa finally got interesting.

She's frowning, you just can't tell.
She’s frowning, you just can’t tell.

 

PRO: This might be THE YEAR when they discover someone with REAL TALENT and MASS APPEAL and they BECOME GLOBAL SUPERSTARS.

 

CON: That already happened, One Direction, remember? And look where that has led.

 

Taking my life into my hands by screen-shotting this.
Taking my life into my hands by screen-shotting this.

PRO: You get to see Dermot O’Leary do a faux golf swing onstage, and ponder what the other sperms must have been like, if he was the winner.

 

CON: There’ll be all kinds of James Arthur flashbacks/reappearances, which will give rise to all kinds of metaphysical speculations: why does he still look like he lives in his car? What has been doing for the last year? WHY IS HE SO SAD?

This is the face of someone with a gear stick wedged up his arse.
This is the face of someone with a gear stick wedged up his arse.

 

PRO: You’ll have something to watch other than That Puppet Game Show.

 

CON: It’s The X Factor.

 

PRO: Something to talk about at work

 

CON: It’s The X Factor

 

PRO: It’s not The Voice.

 

CON: It’s The X Factor.

 

I can make lists all I like, but the facts are these: it’s an institution, your long summer evenings are GONE and we all need something to laugh at in these days of war, government intervention, and Robin Thicke. Tune in, Saturday. 

Join our tribe

We promise to pop a whole host of good stuff into your inbox every Wednesday to brighten up your week. Can't say fairer than that now can we?

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.