We all wear clothes. They keep our bits and bobules warm and are made to make us look awesome. I would bet that you are wearing clothes reading this right now, you well attired person you. As humans, we put clothes on our bodies, we buy furniture to put clothes in and we buy special machines to look after our clothes for us when they need refreshing. You want to buy some more clothes? Why not head to the high street, online shop or pick something up with you groceries in the supermarket.

But with the many items of clothing I own, and I own upwards of 16 items of clothing not including socks, I know nothing of the world of fashion. I may have said it before in another blog, but the world of fashion is completely alien to me. If fashion is the Sun, I am Voyager 1, racing in the opposite direction at 12km a second. I dare not look directly at fashion in fear that it will blind me.

I don’t know what is meant to go with what, what colours are in and what the latest trends are and honestly, I couldn’t care less. I generally wear a t-shirt and jeans. What kind of jeans do I have? Blue ones that cover my legs. When I am shopping for new jeans and see some going for £100, I will question the intelligence of anyone even casting them a second glance. They are blue, made of denim, go on your legs and are all effectively the same.

You actually have to pay more to have your jeans pre-ripped for you and their structural integrity dramatically weakened. I cannot think of any other material good that you can buy where this kind of thing happens. It’s like going to a car dealership and they key your car for you with a long gouge down the side or going grocery shopping and having an apple pre-molded. But apparently it is a style thing done in the name of fashion, and for this, you must pay more.

I just don’t get it. I say wear what you want and like the look of, but to be swayed by a logo and paying grossly inflated prices, you are weak and foolish. I’ve seen simple white t-shirts with a 1cm x 1cm branded logo on selling for over £50. Wanna know what it cost them to design? Nothing, they took a plain shirt and put the most ridiculously sized logo on it. Want to know what it cost them to make? A matter of pennies. But hey, at least you are keeping an Asian child in a job.

Fashion outsider

It was New York Fashion Week recently. I only know this because Nicole Kidman got hit by a cyclist. Talk about breaking news! In fact this news story rated above “US and Russia agree Syrian arms deal” on the BBC website’s Most Popular section, so it may well be one of the biggest stories of the year. Then apparently London also had a fashion week as well, because the empire doesn’t like being outdone. I’m sure there will be a fashion week somewhere else next week, like Milan, Paris or Hull, but I would just like the fashion world to stay as far away from me as possible. 

You have models setting unrealistic “ideal images” for women, designer brands flogging their wares for several thousand percent mark ups and apparently Lady Gaga wearing a meat suit makes her a fashion visionary. I want no part of this scary and absurd world. Leave me be in my unripped jeans and t-shirts with funny geeky prints. I am happy here as a fashion outsider.

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