Picture the scene. You’ve just moved in with your beloved partner. You can’t wait to snuggle down with them and wake up next to them every single freaking day instead of the odd time when you end up staying the night in their shoddy apartment. You dream of lazy Sunday mornings in bed with croissants, the papers (and maybe something else) and all night romps and morning pick me ups every day just because you can.
Moving in together is sweet because sharing a bed is literally the most awesome thing about moving in your your boyfriend/girlfriend right?
Erm. Maybe. For about a month. If you are lucky, maybe for about six. But if you’ve ever woken up next to your other half grumpy, tired and ready for a fight as opposed to a passionate love in, then my friends this could be the solution.
First off, let me just say that I do not sleep separately from my husband. But boy have I considered it. And on the few occasions where we have slept separately because of illness or early starts, I have never slept better and woken more refreshed. I could give you a million reasons why sleeping separately from your partner is a good idea, and here is just a few:
- It mitigates different sleeping patterns. I’m an early riser, Mr S is a night owl. I get pissed off and frustrated if we are not in bed ready to sleep by 10pm, he gets annoyed when my alarm goes off at 5am. We can’t win.
- Poor sleeping habits are a thing of the past – ever slept with a snorer? An overly sweaty person? A person that doesn’t stop fidgeting or who hogs the duvet? Yep, imagine that for the rest of your life though…not pretty.
- Having a run of insomnia? It happens to the best of us. However, you can just switch the light on and read, or listen to music or whatever helps you drift back off when you share a bed with someone else and have their needs to think of too.
- Feel under to pressure to have sex every time you get into bed? If you don’t share a bed, it doesn’t become the place for sex…instead you have the whole house/flat/room/garden etc to explore!
Perhaps I haven’t convinced you. I’m not sure I’ve convinced myself, hence why I still sleep in the same bed as Mr S. There is much I love about it too – the cuddles, the turning over in the night and knowing the person you love most in the world is sleeping next to you, the fact the cats get involved for cuddles too and the goodnight kisses. But I really hate being grumpy in the mornings and having silly arguments about sleeping patterns.
So what is stopping me? Well, your attitude! I’m sure that around 90% of those who read this post will do so thinking I’m batshit crazy or that I have a really bad marriage. There’s an assumption that if you’re not sleeping together, there must be something wrong with your relationship. So how did sleeping in the same bed become the thing that you measure your relationships by?
Even if you aren’t up for separation in the bedroom department just yet, there are things you can do to save your sleeping sanity. Research suggests that couples who sleep better in bigger beds, feel more rested and happier in the morning. Bring on the kingsize!! If you can’t fit a larger bed in your space, how about a bigger duvet or pillows so you don’t play tug of war in the night? Sex outside of the bedroom is also something that could help – making your bed about sleeping and not sexing could indeed bring a little more tranquility to your 8 hours, and therefore cause less tension in the morning.
So. Are separate beds better for relationships? Or is this just a step too far?
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