I have something to tell you…are you sitting down? Something very close to you has been lying to you, and has been for some time. What exactly am I talking about? What is it that’s been deceiving you? It’s pop music.

Don’t feel daft for not seeing it sooner, I’ve only just found out the truth myself. I guess when you (over)-think about it, four guys all falling in love with the same girl and being completely fine with it doesn’t sound right does it? Surely if they were all after the same girl they’d either all walk away or have a punch up and then all walk away (albeit slightly drunker and covered in more blood).

So I thought I’d let you know about the biggest liars in pop music. Here goes…

I bet you look good on the dance floor – Arctic Monkeys

Arctic monkeys

Considering this song normally comes on around 2am when everyone has had too many cocktails and are starting to think that tequila shots are a good idea, this song couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes everyone may be spilling drinks all over it, but they certainly don’t look good on the dance floor. They may look drunk, awkward or going crazy enjoying themselves, but Louie Spence certainly isn’t feeling threatened by the moves.

Even if you haven’t had too many drinks, when was the last time you framed a picture of yourself pulling your dancing face to a tune like this? Never. Point proved.

See also: Moves like Jagger.

These boots are made for walking – Nancy Sinatra

The title of this song alone makes me think that Nancy Sinatra only walked in hiking boots or comfortable trainers, because no heeled boots are really that comfortable.

None of my boots are made for walking any further than about a mile. They’re made to look good, inflict pain and make me either walk barefoot home or bring out my emergency plimsolls if I insist on staying out past my bedtime.

How to save a life – The Fray

If you’re ever in the situation when you need to save someone’s life, whatever you do don’t take advice from The Fray. In this classic tune, the sad songsters just moan about what went wrong rather than actually doing something about it, it doesn’t seem to occur to them to even put their partner into the recovery position or start CPR.

Worst. Paramedics. Ever.

See also: Their other song Never Say Never. Hypocrites.

All you need is love – The Beatles

All you need is love

I know I may have to beg for your forgiveness for criticising the fab four, but hear me out. Love from friends and family is obviously important, but thinking more logically love can’t sustain you alone. When was the last time that love paid the rent, ensured the phone wasn’t cut off or bought the weekly food shop?

Love is important, but call me sceptical food, water and money is pretty high up on my list too.

It’s raining men – THE Weather Girls

Possibly the most ridiculous (and fun) song ever written, but it’s also clearly a lie. The last time I watched the weather, they were warning me about low temperatures and high gale-force winds, not falling men from the sky.

But granted, the weather people can be wrong from time to time, but I’m pretty sure I would have remembered a man falling on me from the skies, mainly because it would bloody hurt.

And finally…

Neither La Roux or Titanium are bullet proof.

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