Welcome back to the world of dating. Destination: Bemused. Population: Me. I’ve recently had to deal with a whole new type of Guy, a Guy I am depressed to know exists. As if Guy Who Has a Wife He Didn’t Tell You About, Manchild Guy Who Is 31 But Can Still Tantrum With the Best of Them and Guy Friend Who is Confused About Where the Boundaries Are weren’t enough. There’s a new Guy in town! He shall be known as Geographically Challenged Guy and he won’t date me. That’s fine, I mean, sometimes people aren’t interested, right? Except that the reason that he won’t date me is this – I live too far away. 

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Now I know what you’re thinking – he’s probably being reasonable and practical. After all, despite every fairy tale we grew up with teaching us that when true love comes a-knocking, trivial things like geography won’t matter, distance can be a problem, right? And that’s fine, except that he doesn’t live in the Ukraine to my China. No. He lives in North London. And I live in South London. Ladies (and gents, if this is relevant to you also), the north-south (London) divide is now a reason not to date. I have become an undatable, purely because this new breed of Oyster Card fearing Guy finds the 6 miles separating us too much to comprehend. As if, should he travel south of the river, he will inexplicably get shot. 

Now, I can hear you lining up to tell me that this Guy is clearly not worth my time and attention, and lets hope you’re right, but I find myself indignant at the prospect of this distance non-issue becoming another mine to navigate on the already packed out grid of dating crossfire. Dating is depressing enough already. And I’m going to be 30 this year. I always thought that, should I be single at this age, all the nonsense we had to deal with in our teens and twenties would fall away because – Gasp! – we’re adults now! We want the straightforward and the obvious and the simple and the grown-up! Except apparently we don’t. We want to quibble over a couple of zones on a Tube map and we absolutely, definitely do not want to actually have to make any EFFORT to date one another, oh no, never, not us. 

It's less effort just to stay home and Facebook your friends all night...
It’s less effort just to stay home and Facebook your friends all night…

I told a friend about Geographically Challenged Guy and his fear of any postcode with an S at the beginning, and she pointed out, quite rightly, that perhaps he was simply making an excuse, and that actually, he just Wasn’t That Into Me. It made me feel better about things, this second possibility. Except for the lying, I can get on with this idea a lot more. Using the fact that someone does not live next door to you as a reason not to at least see if they could turn out to be the love of your life seems far worse than a good old fashioned ‘sorry, I’m just not feeling it’. So folks, please cross your fingers that this has been the case, and the bonafide species labelled Geographically Challenged Guy just does not exist. Because if he does, he’s really, really stupid. 

Travel is fun, and so is adventure, and so am I. So there. Take note, and keep your Oyster Card handy. 

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