So here’s the thing, I wrote a piece in November 2013 yelling the praise of being single, and although I totally stand by my reasoning, I also have a confession to make, I am now in a relationship. Let me stress it is a very very new relationship, but a relationship nonetheless, which has its own awesome attributes, but a few pitfalls too, so I thought that whilst in the throws of it all I would take five mins to share some of a little new relationship advice…
Enjoy the Butterflies
In my ‘5 reasons being single is awesome‘ post I waxed lyrical about the elusive ‘first kiss’ the slow lean in, the nervous shuffle closer together, mmm perfect. I have always been of the opinion that the butterflies vanish relatively quickly, and the regularity of kisses makes them just that little bit less special. I was wrong, kissing someone who you fancy the pants off having not seen them in a week is way better than that first kiss, you know its going to be good, you know that it’s more than likely going to lead to more…So enjoy the butterflies, keep them around for as long as possible, make the most of all the kisses, the quick stolen ones, the deep arms wrapped round each other ones and the very naked very urgent ones too.
I most certainly give the impression of confidence on the outside, all talk, but I fret and worry like all other humans, especially when it comes to the start of a new relationship. I have embraced indulgent lust filled conversations about the future, talked about under a haze of whisky and good food, chatted the night away about the fun things we plan on doing together. Sure they are awesome chats, but they can lead to an unstable view of your relationship and as it deepens those chats can disperse and leave you with the feeling that things are ‘different’ without you being able to put your finger on why. My advice, CHILL OUT, don’t read too much into things if the text messages aren’t as often or lust filled, CHILL OUT if instead of the hours of sweaty sex you start indulging in quick before work sex, if you are happy, and they are happy then CHILL OUT.
I have made this mistake so many times, I have moulded myself into the person that I think the other person wants, rather than accepting that more than likely the reason they are with me in the first place is because of who I am. So I bend, and twist into someone I end up not recognising, luckily this time round I am old and wise enough to spot the signs and have a bloody good talk with myself. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there is such a thing as the best a relationship can be, that only happens when both parties are happy in themselves, honest in the relationship and not making the assumption that they need to change, tough but necessary.
No backwards glances
Commit, I don’t mean marriage, but I do mean commit to the relationship, go into it whole heartedly with near enough reckless abandon. I say this with my most serious face on, don’t half arse it or all you will end up with is a half arsed relationship and who the hell wants that. So no games, no testing each other, no holding back, throw yourself in. If I can share one bit of advice with you from one of my favourite authors Mitch Albom from his book Tuesdays With Morie, which I urge you all to read;
“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”
This is the last on the list, and for me the hardest one, I have had my heart stamped on, gouged out and treated with little consideration, but I slog on, in the hope of finding someone who holds my heart close to theirs and keeps it safe. The only way that can be achieved is by trusting in the good in people, I don’t mean give your new beau your debit card pin number and key to your house, but at least allow them in enough to have a shot at loving you. If you continue to second guess, quiz and question their motives it will begin to put strain on the relationship, a strain that in most cases cannot be mended.
So there you have it, I hope that if you are in the delicious throws of a new relationship these snippets of advice help just a little to ease the process.
Remember – a life without love ain’t no life worth living.
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