This post is most certainly not suitable for work! It contains pictures of cock and naked selfies. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I am not a prude, let us begin with that. I love sex, I love men and I most certainly am a big fan of their junk. That is not to say that I like every single man, and every single penis. Most certainly not. However when it comes to dating I am very much in the camp of the more time spent naked the better. In addition to naked time spent together I am all for sending naughty pictures to each other, safe in the knowledge that you are in a relationship and it’s mutual.
However, something rather disturbing has come to my attention in the last 4 years of online dating, something that the more I seem to mention to girlfriends who also date online, the more I feel the need to talk about it.
Cock Shots. Penis Pictures. Naked Selfies.
I have watched the E-Harmony and Match.com adverts on TV. At no point on those, where Adam and Mary are looking for ‘love’, do they mention that in addition to the 1,247 pointless questions they ask to find you your ‘soul mate’ you must also be prepared to be bombarded with pictures of cock. Maybe the ASA would take offence to that, and rightly so.
It doesn’t seem to matter which of my single friends I speak to, where they live, who they are talking to or which site they are using, all of them have had to face the wholly uninvited, massively inappropriate messages that include shots of blokes cocks who – lets face it – they know as much about as a random on their daily commute. What has happened to the world? Men, I am talking to you. Why are you so happy to send pictures of your business?
I thought it only fair to share some examples with you of what I am talking about, I don’t want you thinking I am some tease who leads men on, only to then appear offended when presented with a semi limp dick on my iPhone screen. These are three genuine conversations, nothing omitted, that I have had in the last 4 weeks.
Him: Hey, you’re cute, no way you are single
Me: Evening, how’s things? Yes indeed I am, shocking isn’t it!
Him: Maybe you just need a good fucking, how about I come over and we have fun with this?
The picture which accompanied this conversation was a penis, poking out of greying baggy boxers, average size, had quite a bend to it, and was reflected in a grubby bathroom mirror. Never in my life have I been less interested in a bloke. Or a penis for that matter.
Me: Hi, hope you are good, just thought I would drop you a quick email, thought your profile was hilarious, nice when blokes take the time to write them! Loving your pro/con list to dating you, thinking maybe I should write one! Be ace to chat some time. Em
Him: Hi, yeah took me ages to write, gets me loads of fanny though which is ace
The picture here was one of him just after he had ‘sorted himself out’ against his bedroom mirror! Socks still on, pants just pulled down, and cumming onto a mirror?!? I am sorry but WHAT??? Worst thing is, there is no chance that he had just taken that picture, there wasn’t time during our brief conversation, therefore he had saved a picture of him shooting his load against a mirror in case he needed it at a later date.
I have saved the best for last;
Him: You’ve got massive tits fancy wrapping them round this?
Cue image of a substantially large dick, close up, having used a flash, therefore showing off every vein and making it look quite honestly menacing.
Men of the world, I ask you…Why do you think I want to see your cock? Why would I want to watch you toss yourself off when I don’t even know your last name? Why are you wanking against a mirror and taking pictures of it? Why are you sending me a picture of your cock next to a Becks can? Is it in the hope that I will be so flattered and amazed that I will come round to your house immediately and fuck you?
Join our tribe
We promise to pop a whole host of good stuff into your inbox every Wednesday to brighten up your week. Can't say fairer than that now can we?