I write a lot about getting out of your comfort zone and grabbing life by the balls and DOING things, whether it be going on road trips in a beat up car or taking up odd hobbies or taking advice from a song Baz Luhrmann created in the 90′s. But some of the time I feel scared of taking my own advice, and that’s sad. I think it might be because I do not feel like a grown up, and therefore am not remotely qualified go out there and grab life by any balls. Here are some reasons I am not a grown up, despite having turned 30 earlier this year (if you can relate to any of these, do say):-


1.) The Magnum disaster

It is summer now, which means Magnums. Because why, you ask? Because COLD CHOCOLATE ON A STICK, that’s why. But I cannot eat them without smearing chocolate everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I ate one the other day and some of the shell fell off and got lost down my top. And I was wearing a Victoria’s Secret bra. So I had cleavage that day. And the chocolate got lost in the cleavage and got smooshed all over the place. Also, some Magnum went up my nose. And then it threatened to melt everywhere so I had to get a bowl. I AM A CHILD!

2.) I don’t understand adult speak yet

My second oldest friend just bought a house (I have known her since we were 11). It is very surreal and I am very proud of her. The other day I went to visit her new house and stood in the kitchen looking at the laminate flooring and her beautiful oak dining table and thought ‘I’m not even sure this is laminate flooring actually. It might be but then it might just sound good in my head.’ So then I had to Google laminate flooring to check what I was standing on. And then I was impressed that my second oldest friend owns a laminate floor. She’s so grown up. By contrast, I am just really excited that now she has her own house we can have parties ALL THE TIME. You see? Child. Or in this case – maybe a teenager. 

More accurate?
More accurate?

3.) Permanent felt-tipped skin

I have covered my body in brightly coloured tattoos. Bright colours make me happy. I mean, bright colours make a lot of people happy and that’s great, but I have quite literally gone to the pen section of the Store of LIFE and tested all the pens out ON MY SKIN. And they are lovely, so that is fine. Oh, and every time someone mistakes my dinosaur tattoo for a dragon I get irrationally cross. 

Although actually, having lots of tattoos in visible places doesn’t smack of child, or even teenager. It shows that I am comfortable enough in my own skin to alter it permanently and in a way that makes me feel good. And it shows that I know who I am, and commitment to being that person. Which in a way, shows maturity. Or something. 

And hey, you know, now that I think about it, there are a lot of things that DEFINITELY make me an adult. And possibly a little bit old and dull. For example:-

1.) I love ironing

This one needs no explanation really does it? No, I didn’t fall and hit my head. I really love ironing. Do you want me to do your ironing? Cause I will. I totally will. Creases make me sad. 

2.) I enjoy going out to places where I can hear myself think.

Instead of places where I am likely to stand next to a giant speaker all night and gently develop tinnitus. 

The other thing that’s recently happened is that I can’t tolerate my car radio being as loud as it used to be. I have to turn it down. When I have turned it down, sometimes I say ‘that’s better’. I promised myself as a music loving teen that I would never let this sort of thing happen. And now look at me. My dials no longer go to 11. 

3.) Sometimes when I get up out of a chair, I say ‘Oof’. 


In conclusion:

Life is a circus full of the old and the young and sometimes the old and the young is all mixed up inside us all at once. Maybe there’s just no one age and maybe just because we have a number assigned to us doesn’t mean we have to act like it all the time. 

Just a number. Now let's eat cake.
Just a number. Now let’s eat cake.


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