Who doesn’t love a good night in front of the TV? Comfy clothes, maybe a bit of ice cream and unwinding without going down the pub and having to speak to work colleagues you secretly can’t stand.
But as a self-confessed telly addict, I can’t help but think that some TV shows don’t always have the best names. So I’ve taken it upon myself to have a think about alternative names for some popular TV shows.
Every Peter Andre Show ever: Peter Andre, Why?
Since his early beginnings into reality TV with his ex-wife Jordan, Peter Andre’s TV shows have had more or less the same plot, and it goes like this…
Peter records a song in the studio that no one will ever hear, Peter says how much he loves his kids, Peter does a signing for crying women, Peter says how much he loves his kids, Peter does an intimate show that’s filmed to look like an arena tour, Peter says how much he loves his kids, and then Peter goes to bed before starting the whole process again the following week.
So it seems only right that every Peter Andre show should have been called “Peter Andre:Why? And this could have many interpretations, such as, “Why is Peter Andre still a thing?” and “Why do I always end up watching repeats of his shows?!”.
Made in Chelsea: Look How Rich We Are!
Most people consider themselves lucky if they can afford to go out more than once a week, but for the Made in Chelsea cast, every day there’s a brand new overly expensive party with a stupidly complicated fancy dress theme to attend.
And when they aren’t attending uber expensive parties with people they don’t actually know or like, the Made in Chelsea cast just seem to walk expensive dogs, run companies that sell things that nobody actually wants, sleep with each other and occasionally spray expensive champagne over anyone in sight.
Oh to be posh.
Breaking Bad: The Wire 2
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, chances are that at least one of your friends has told you how amazing Breaking Bad is.
But this “oh my god, you must see this show” sounds incredibly familiar. Remember when The Wire came out a few years ago? How everyone said how incredible and ground breaking it was, how you went out and bought it on DVD straight away before leaving it to gather dust in the corner of the room? That’s Breaking Bad now and you know it.
How long have you been telling your friends that you’ll watch Breaking Bad but you’ve got other shows to get through first? It’s no different to The Wire, except this time you don’t have to waste £50 in HMV.
Game of Thrones: Boobs and Blood
I’ve tried to get into this show so many times, mainly because all my friends won’t stop giving me filthy looks while shouting in my face, “What do you mean you aren’t watching Game of Thrones!”
But every episode just seems to have the same thing… boobs, blood, more boobs, the occasional bum followed by more excessive amounts of blood.
I hate anything vaguely gory and TV nudity makes me feel quite uncomfortable. Now ask me again why I haven’t watched Game of Thrones.
Geordie Shore : Snogging, Sex and STIs
For anyone that hasn’t seen Geordie Shore (and you don’t know what you’re missing if you don’t), it basically involves Geordie men sleeping with most of the female population of Newcastle, while the women either “tache on”, sleep with the other housemates or bitch about each other. That’s pretty much it.
It’s amazing, it just needs a new title, and since BBC3’s Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents is doing so well, then it seems completely appropriate for Geordie Shore to get a similar treatment…
Take Me Out : Your Face Is Nice
Just like a televised Tinder, Take Me Out is probably one of the most shallow TV shows ever, and yet Saturday nights always seem better when it’s on.
But anyone who ever tries to tell you that this show isn’t shallow clearly hasn’t heard some of the excuses the women have given for rejecting the men. My favourites include, “You’ve got really nice hair which means when we live together you’ll spend loads of time in the bathroom” and “You and your parents seem really close which means I’ll probably never see you”.
Any documentary on Channel 5 – Eurgh, Argh, Eurgh
Documentaries on Channel 5 are my secret guilty pleasure. Basically every documentary on Channel 5 is either about people on benefits, conmen/women, nightmare neighbours, people in ‘weird’ relationships, trucks, and (mostly) murderers.
What’s even better about channel 5’s documentaries is that they’ve clearly got a small budget, so they’ll often reuse the same scenes again and again or hire actors who don’t look anything like the people they’re meant to be representing.
I bloody love channel 5.
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