10. It really hammers home the point that money doesn’t buy happiness.
Everyone always says it, but when you’re living in a windowless converted garage and eating popcorn for dinner, it’s sometimes hard to really believe it. One look into the tortured faces of these privileged people will remind you. Even if you get a little distracted by the glasses of champagne in their hands.
9. Sunday evenings are not the time for intelligent conversation
The last vestiges of Camden Pale Ale have left your body, most by way of your pores and you’re palely, sweatily aware of the fact that another work week starts NOW. You need to distract yourself. Know what’s distracting? Rich people throwing drinks at each other.
8. It’s pleasingly recognizable.
OK, the current season is set in in NYC, but most of the time it’s all Chelsea cobbles and familiar shopfronts. Not that you’ve ever shopped there. Or bought a drink there. But you might have meandered snarkily through the shady streets, wondering what would happen if you acted on your impulse to key every Mercedes you pass.
There’s only so much EastEnders style suffering you should be forced to absorb as a nice person just trying to make their way in the world. So switch over. Enjoy Spencer’s glittering eyes and Lucy Watson’s vicious smoulder. It’s like art. It’s soothing.
6. You can never listen to too many awkward conversation about orgies.
Do people really have orgies anymore? Does anyone have time? Apparently Alex Mytton does, though his participation can’t be that exciting given that he never remembers them. You just so rarely hear people having a good banter about how many penises they crossed swords with the night before. It’s refreshing.
5. The clothes.
Yeah, they do seem basically incapable of wearing anything in shades other than black or taupe but they’re all so sleek, so expensive looking. There’s nothing here to hurt your eyes. Just allow yourself to be borne away on a cloud of silk and chiffon as you try to ignore the itch of your own Primark pajamas.
4. You can’t tell where real life ends and scripting begins.
Sometimes you’ll be watching an argument where people seem really hurt, and someone is crying and a revelation has been made that changes everything and possibly the world is about to end. And then you’ll remember that they probably filmed it 900 times, each time being directed to say something a little differently. It’s like a game – Whose Tears Are Real?
3. Lucy Watson is the Best Person On Television.
I won’t be diverted from this. It’s a simple truth. The expressions she can wring from her perfect features are positively cinematic, and the woman deserves an Oscar for the way she delivers those cutting, cutting lines. I want her wardrobe and want to be her friend. I want to stand in front of her and just be insulted until I cry. Call me, Lucy.
2. The soundtrack is always spectacular.
There are always gaps to fill in the show, while someone gazes desperately at a departing back, or weeps prettily into their hands; or the sun sinks behind the Shard. Those gaps are always filled with some of the best new music, from indie to pop – whoever crafts these soundtrack deserves a pay rise and a spin in the sack with Spencer. At least.
1. You will always switch off feeling like a better person.
You’ve never called someone a fat f*cking turkey over Thanksgiving lunch, have you? You’ve never treated your dog better than your mother, right? If you were rich enough to do nothing all day you would at least find a more productive brand of nothing to engage in, correct? That’s right. You’re lovely. You’re wonderful. Have a cookie.
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