I spend a lot of time thinking. As a writer, your head is constantly filled with ideas swimming around, trying to break out, trying to go on to the paper faster than you can type out of fear that you’ll lose them. This is something I have wanted to write about for a while, but didn’t feel like I had the proper outlet to express it. I was originally going to name this piece, “I am not a blow up doll” but ultimately decided to tone it done a bit.
I’m just going to start off by saying this. I am a woman, and I like sex. I know… shocking.
I wanted to write openly about sex. More importantly, first time sex. Not losing your virginity, I mean the first time sex you have with someone new. A new boyfriend, or someone you think will become your boyfriend. Or just someone you really want to sleep with. Either way, I feel like from a women’s perspective, a few things needs to be addressed. Or at least in my case, three very important things.
1. What’s your favourite position?
When you’re sleeping with a woman for the first time, a lot of things are going through their head. Even the most confident of us have our moments of doubt. “Am I doing this right?” “Why is he being so quiet?”, “These skinny jeans are incredibly difficult to take off”. The number one thing for me is, “Why have I been flipped over like a pancake 5 times in 10 minutes?”
How can you get a feel (literally) for someone if you are constantly repositioning them? You’re wearing us both out, buddy, and it doesn’t feel good for a girl to constantly have to find the rhythm over and over again. Also, it can make us feel kind of trashy. Not to mention it’s just downright uncomfortable.
Don’t get me wrong, we love how strong you are. We love how you can pick us up and move us around. But when we’re actually in the midst of having sex, at least for the first time you sleep with us, maybe stick to two positions? Three TOPS.
Learning what each other likes should be this natural, organic process. Forging this “uber sexy” situation when you’ve never even seen each other in the buff before it just way over the top. This isn’t a film, this is real life. I could be totally off base here, but I’ve talked to a few girlfriends about this, and they agree.
2. (Don’t) talk dirty to me.
Another thing that should be addressed is the dirty talk. I feel like the first time you sleep with someone, this should be kept to a minimum. Unless you actually know beforehand we’re going to like it, don’t start whispering obscene things into our ear just yet. There are a lot of girls who don’t like this at all, and you’d hate to blow a good things before it even starts.
On the other hand, sure. A lot of girls love dirty talk. But there’s a little fear factor that comes into play when you’re hearing it from someone you hardly know. There’s nothing worse than hooking up with a good looking guy and then wondering if he may be a serial killer based upon the last sentence he said to you.
3. Hey, Girl. What do you like?
One of the biggest turn offs for a woman? Being asked over and over again if what you’re doing is working for her.
Also, whispering “how do you want it?” or “tell me what you like?” in her ear the first time you’re having sex is, once again, a little creepy. Confidence is a very attractive quality in a man, and the need for constant reassurance in bed is just not. I’m confident too – I’ll steer you. So you can chill out and focus on what matters
Everybody likes different things, and chances are no two people are going to have perfect sex the very first time they try. And I think we can all agree to put a cap on asking “are you close?” thirty times.
The best advice I can give? Just relax. You’ll be able to tell if what you’re doing isn’t working for us. Trust me.
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