It’s that time of year again. No, not National Pfeffernusse Day (23rd Dec), the 24 hours of the year dedicated to the Dutch fluffy cookie treat. I mean Christmas, the time of the Christmas party, and more specifically the Christmas work party. If you are one of the lucky ones, you will have a Xmas party provided to you and if you are even luckier, there will be a free bar. But a free bar is a dangerous proposition, so how do you survive the day after the Christmas party?
Last year, a colleague of mine walked into the party a man and stumbled out a legend. He was into his last week with the company before going travelling and clearly wanted to go out with a bang. And blew up he did… and lunge. I’ll explain.
My fellow co-worker was doing fine gaining sustenance from the free bottles of beer, but things went very wrong when he switched to whisky (I would estimate about 10 to 12 doubles as a safe minimum). Obviously he started getting incredibly chatty, generally with random strangers and then he decided that the best method of transport around the party was to lunge (an action that also continued throughout all conversations). So he had a great time, partly destroyed his liver, gave his thighs a real workout and miraculously got himself to work the following morning.
But there wasn’t much point of coming in to work that day as he blankly stared at the screen, motionless until having to rush to the loo and cleanse his soul, which happened at least 6 times before 5pm.
- Sausages. The coffee shop at my office was more than prepared with an endless supply of sausages the following morning. They knew we needed a sausage bap like a wanderer in the desert needs water or the cast of Geordie Shore needs condoms. It was a sausage tsunami.
- Organise a workplace buffet of things to pick at throughout the day. Maybe suggest your team chips in a little and someone picks up a range of finger food for everyone. This has saved me two years running now.
- (Tip provided to me) Stay drunk until you reach the weekend when you can properly crash.
- No matter how drunk you get, be mindful. Embarrassing moments when drunk are one thing, reliving them the following day when you bump into Clive from finance in a sober state is infinitely more mortifying.
- When you start to flag, get up and get some fresh air. A dependence on coffee will just make you crash harder later.
- (Another provided tip) Sleep at your desk for 2 hours then go to Nandos
- Try to avoid confrontations the night before with potato faced bouncers unless they give you hilarious anecdotes to tell the following day. I have a classic.
- Keep yourself seriously hydrated throughout the day… Not with vodka.
- Know that no matter how outwardly shiny some people may seem, most people are in exactly the same boat as you and I doubt anyone saw you strike up that conversation with the artificial shrubbery by the toilets.
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