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Ah, the Eurovision Song Contest. The weird and wonderful outfits, the sometimes really rather strange acts, questionable singing, Graham Norton ramping his sarcasm-o-metre up to a solid 11… Where would the month of May be without it? The Eurovision Song Contest is a party in which none of us are in the same room (except when you’re in the audience at the actual show… in which case, you lucky sod) but we’re all dancing, laughing, gasping and attempting to sing along while getting just a little bit drunk.

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Hosts Mirjam Weichselbraun, Alice Tumler and Arabella Kiesbauer, with green room host Conchita.

This year, a whopping 40 countries are taking to the stage in Vienna with Eurovision-a-holics Australia joining in as a special guest country. The on-stage presenting will be done by an all-female trio, while the lovely Conchita Wurst will be on hand as the green room reporter. The UK is sending a duo called Electro Velvet, the slogan for this 60th anniversary edition is Building Bridges and, as you’re now armed with enough basic facts, it’s time to introduce you to the official High Tea Cast Eurovision Song Contest 2015 drinking game.

What you will need:

  • As many shot glasses as there are participants.
  • Your tipple of choice.
  • Quite possibly some nibbles as well to counteract the alcohol.
  • The red button subtitle option switched on.

How to play:

Take one shot if

  • The word “love” appears in a song title.
  • The contestant doesn’t actually look like what you think they were going to look like (which happens pretty much all the time for me… oops).
  • It’s a sappy big love ballad, sung by a guy.
  • There’s a reference to last year’s winning song, or any reference concerning Conchita “rising like a phoenix” (double points if the referencing is done in rhyme or song).
  • DRAMATIC KEY CHANGE.

Take two shots if

  • It’s a sappy big love ballad, sung by a guy and a girl, and involves a smoke machine.
  • There’s a very questionable dance routine accompanying the song (for added bonus points: get up and do the actual dance after you take your shots).
  • Original winner Lys Assia makes her yearly appearance.
  • Conchita does a reprise of Rise Like a Phoenix for an opening/interval act.
  • The song is in its country’s native language and has gotten a bit lost in translation.
  • There’s a key change/knee drop combination.

Take three shots if

  • The song is in a made-up language.
  • The act’s staging does not make any sense or gets a bit too literal.
  • Technical problems during the voting/during the songs.
  • Rapping happens, badly.
  • A mid-song costume change occurs.
  • Nil points happens.
"Love is Blind" - Prime example of literal staging from a few years back...
“Love is Blind” – Prime example of literal staging from a few years back…

Down the bottle if

  • The UK get nil points.
  • There’s a stage invasion/streaker incident.
  • Azerbaijan’s act, Elnur Hüseynov with “Hour of the Wolf”, somehow includes an actual, live wolf appearing on stage (failing that, a bloke in a wolf costume).
  • Australia’s Guy Sebastian wins the competition

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Last person standing at the end of the night is required to do their best rendition of “My Lovely Horse” from Father Ted’s Song for Europe episode.

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The Eurovision 2015 semi-finals will take place on the 19th and 21st of May (aired on BBC Three) and the big night itself is on May 23rd. As always, our resident Eurovision pundit Simon Button will be taking over our Twitter account and talking you through it all.

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