England is a tease. England is a flirt. Come late April, England lifts up its skirt and bathes us all in sunny glory, then drops them again, coy and cold, for months upon months.

But if, like me, you’re more than happy to fake it ‘til you make it, here how’s to TRICK yourself, and maybe about one other person, into believing that summer is here.

Wear your summer wardrobe ANYWAY


7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

Your cute lil’ white dress that is maybe just a WEE bit too see-through for the office? WEAR IT! With tights and boots and a scarf and a slip and also a turtleneck. Floral short-shorts? FINE! With a knee length coat and gloves and long underwear.

Turn up the heaters in your bedroom and flounce around in denim cut-offs and a bandeau top.

It’s all in the mind, and the white exposed flesh.

FAKE TAN

7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

But don’t admit to it being fake tan.

Even if it’s streaky and orange and puddled at the back of your knees like a duck shat there, just convince any enquirers about your “healthy glow” that you were moving so fast in the UV rays that you confused the sun.

Drink the summer things

7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

No red wine. No whisky. No Baileys coffee. ALL you are allowed to drink, even if it’s raining, is jugs of Pimm’s filled with mint and cucumber, beer and assorted orange drinks.

The more closely your drink resembles the midsummer sun, the more you will be able to convince yourself that your drunk headache is actually heatstroke. Winning.

Wear bikini bottoms instead of underwear

7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

If you are prepared at all times for the possibility that you might need to swim, even if you’re in Covent Garden and the nearest body of water is the open drain near the Pret, then you will feel beachy.

It’s the Law of the Lycra Wedgie.

Catch a seagull and cage it in your laundry

7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

The shrieking calls will remind you of sun and sea. 

Eat ice cream for every single meal

7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

The upside to eating ice cream when it’s barely cracking double figures is that it takes a lot longer to melt. 

Sit outside as much as possible, wearing sunglasses, and complaining about how sweaty you are. Bonus point for hiking up your shirt and tying it at your midriff. 

7 ways to pretend it’s summer when it’s really bloody not

Summer. Is. A State. Of Mind.

 

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