1. Miss out on tickets
Cry, wail at fate, bemoan the universe, tug listlessly at your own hair. Have several conversations with people at the pub about how you’re best friends and no one understands her like you and she would want you there.
2. Manage to obtain tickets from a truly wonderful person.
Sob delightedly, immediately call your sister, tweet Taylor Swift, understand that she’s probably not tweeting back because she’s equally as excited and overcome.
Try to enjoy the rest of your life.
4. Assemble a crew, all of whom understand the importance of home-made flower crowns at a Taylor Swift concert.
Construct said crowns while listening to 1989 on repeat, quaffing Prosecco with raspberries and trying to ignore the fact that you’ve now reached the high-point of your life so far.
5. Figure out how many miniature bottles of vodka you can smuggle in your bra.
Tay would understand.
6. Walk to the concert, delighting in the myriad of screaming teens.
This is one of the only times in life that screaming teens are essential to the atmosphere.
7. Use the opening acts as an excuse to drink beer, take pictures of yourself in a flower crown and ignore your bladder.
Why did you wear a jumpsuit to a concert? Are you suicidal? Do you want to spend your entire life in a portaloo? How did this vodka get in my bra?
8. Prance around to Ellie Goulding in the sunlight.
I’M GONNA LET IT BURN BURN BURN BURN.
9. Gasp as Taylor comes onstage. Let your flower crown fall to the ground. Tighten the straps of your jumpsuit.
This is it.
11. Dance like a crazy person.
12. Take 47 selfies of yourself open-mouthed with delight.
13. Sing along so vigorously that the people in front of you move.
Move into their spots, certain that Taylor would approve.
14. Cry again.
Taylor Swift is your best friend.
15. Nod at everything she says, aware that she is speaking to your very soul.
Taylor knows you, and she loves you.
16. IGNORE YOUR BLADDER.
17. Give into your bladder.
Taylor Swift never went offstage to pee, but you are not Taylor Swift.
18. Sing Bad Blood as a duet with whoever is peeing the cubicle next to you.
Feel briefly sorry for Katy Perry.
19. Dance like an absolute loon to Shake It Off.
Whatever “it” is, it has been shaken. It is gone.
20. Get a halloumi kebab.
You earned it. Taylor wants you to have it.
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