My boyfriend and I have been busy moving house. We managed to find a new place and move in a record time, which is most definitely not advisable if you don’t want to feel like a husk of a person at the end of it.

There seems to be a set amount of feelings and phases couples go through when they’re moving house. I took note of what was going through my head during the entire process and poured it into a little list. Why? Because I would like to share it with you all, in an attempt to make you feel less alone if you’re doing something similar at the moment.

Ned Stark House move is coming

So, here’s my take on the 8 Stages of Moving House with Your Partner. Your mileage will probably vary, as will the amount of stages for your situation. But I do hope that there’s at least something you’ll recognize in this.

1. “This is a great idea!”

This is the bit where optimism is your driving force – doubly so if you’re moving in together for the first time. Nothing seems too much of a hassle. You do not own too much stuff. You have limitless amounts of budget. Sure, you can find something in London that won’t cost the same amount as a City banker’s weekly shopping budget. Sure, you don’t care about size, as long as it’s you two.

2. “Actually, this is a terrible idea.”

Where “oh” becomes an emotion and not just a thing you say. Where the only place you can find that both takes couples without extra costs and is within a reasonable commuting distance from work is a tiny studio flat where the gas cooker is right next to the bed and the only way in is via a set of stairs that, at best, can be described as “rickety”.

See also: assuming you’ve found a place, only to call up and hear that the place has already been let.


3. Finding the place

Where you finally find the place that’s not too terrible in the way of location, budget and space. It’s not yet been let and you can move in at short notice. Of course you take it. Magical words can include: bills included in rent, wifi included, only one month’s notice if you decide to repeat this process all over again.

4. The packing begins

Or, as I like to call it, utter despair, part one. This is the point where you find that hairdryer you thought you’d lost months ago. Or discover you’ve somehow come into possession of the entire world’s supply of Kirby grips.

5. Regret

Why are you moving house again? You can’t quite remember, because all you can think about is all the stuff you’ve suddenly found.  You will almost definitely:

  • not even remember buying that shirt
  • wonder why this book was a book you needed in your life
  • find EVEN MORE Kirby grips lying around
  • cry because you don’t own any pots or pans, yet own all eight seasons of McLeod’s Daughters on DVD despite having watched not a single episode of it.

6. The big day (or days, even)

If you had the budget and time in advance to book a white van man (or even just a van and some helpful family members), then this part of moving house won’t be as stressful as you think it will be. If what you have is no budget, a lot of stuff and the boot of a car, then this is the culmination of the previous two phases. The bit where you’re making endless trips between the old place and the new place, sometimes for several days. The bit where there will, inevitably, be even more weeping because of the sheer amount of shite you have lying around.

7. Unpacking (or “WHEN WILL IT END?”)

You will have forgotten about until it actually comes along. This may also be the point where you and your other half will end up deciding to just take a lot of stuff to a charity shop because you can’t be arsed unpacking it.

8. The end, at last

Two, maybe three weeks later, you will look around your new digs and notice that there’s no more unpacking to do. You will have settled into a daily routine. You’ll (somehow) have worked out a way to get rent to the person it needs to get to every month. Yes, this is the bit where you can sit back, open up a bottle of gin and sigh contentedly. It’s over. Done. You’ve moved house and you’re both still in one piece.

Peace at last.

We have yet to reach this phase, incidentally.

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