“We’re to go straight to the hotel and she’ll pick us up from there. Simon do you want a boiled egg? She’ll pick us up from the hotel. EGGS Simon, do you want a BOILED EGG?”

She was talking to her partially deaf husband on the train to the Sri Lankan tea hills, completely nonplussed about the beautiful views outside. I nicknamed her Two Soups because of her uncanny resemblance to the Acorn Antiques character. I still think about Two Soups every now and then; definitely when I see boiled eggs.

You meet some characters when you travel, and no doubt you’re on someone else’s list of weirdos they met while travelling. Here are 23 types of traveller you’ve probably already experienced on holiday.

the flirt

1. The flirt

They’ll turn on the charm to get a freebie; from the barman, the front desk, the tour guide. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t – but it provides some entertainment, that’s for sure.

 

tight arse

2. The tight arse

This traveller has a budget and they stick to it. Only a small gelato accounted for? Only a small gelato they’ll get. Expect a gift from the airport too.

 

the anxious

3. The anxious

Everything needs to be thought through, just in case something goes wrong. They’re the ones stationed in front of the departure boards at the airport and asking all the questions during a group trip.

 

the trust fund traveller

4. The trust fund traveller

They’re using mum and dad’s cash to explore Australia, probably in a camper van and posting daily pensive beach selfies to Facebook.

 

the heartbroken

5. The heartbroken

They’ve just been jilted so decided to get out there and see the world themselves. Ain’t no-one gonna keep this traveller down!

 

the heartbreaker

6. The heartbreaker

We’ve all experienced them. The guy who spends most of his time shirtless and just happens to know all the chords to every Ed Sheeran song on the acoustic guitar. Or the girl whose suitcase is full of bikinis, angling for compliments about her beach body.

 

been there done that

7. The ‘been there, done that’

They’ve been everywhere and done everything, so they’re not entirely sure why they’re here for a second time around. If anything, they’re boring you senseless.

 

the flashpacker

8. The flashpacker

They’re your traditional backpacker, but with added iPhone, iPad, the latest DLSR, Macbook, GoPro and battery pack.

 

always connected

9. The always connected

They can be found whinging about the lack of WiFi on an African safari, or scrolling Twitter while everyone else enjoys the amazing views of the Grand Canyon. They’ll only look up once they’ve uploaded 100 selfies to Facebook.

 

the soul searcher

10. The soul searcher

The travellers who’ve been to Rome for the food, India for spiritual awareness, and Bali for ‘the one’. Wait, didn’t someone write a book about that?

 

catwalker

11. The catwalker

Every holiday is a fashion show for the catwalker. They’ll turn up for a hike in flip flops and tiny denim shorts, or appear at the pool in the least practical swimsuit ever.

 

walking cliche

12. The walking cliché

Dreads? Check. Same Same t-shirt? Check. Elephant print harem pants? Check. Straw fedora? Check. Kangol sandals? Check. Usually found wandering Southeast Asia.

 

crisis

13. The mid life crisis

A couple or solo traveller who’ve quit their stressful city jobs for a round-the-world trip of a lifetime. They’re a dime a dozen, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

 

guidebook

14. The guidebook

The traveller who spouts endless facts and figures about the place you’re in. Did you know that the first ever shopping mall was built by the Emperor Trajan in Rome? No? Are you still listening?

 

smug honeymooners

15. The smug honeymooners

To be found wrapped around each other on a beach-side sunbed, feeding each other strawberries in the hotel restaurant, or mentioning that they’re on honeymoon to anyone who’ll listen.

 

always late

16. The always late

That one person who’s always lagging behind on a group trip. Where are they? In the loo, lost in the gift shop, still paying for their McDonald’s.

 

airport hacker

17. The airport hackers

They know all the secrets to making your airport experience a total win – shorter security lines, cheaper parking, freebies, taking food through security…

 

tipster

18. The tipster

You’ll meet the tipster at the hotel bar and get chatting about what your plans are. Next thing you know, they’ve written you an entire itinerary for the rest of your stay.

 

brits on tour

19. The Brits on tour

Three words: lads, Lynx, booze.

 

intrepid traveller

20. The true intrepid

They’re truly fearless, signing up to all the bungee jumps, skydives and white water rafting on offer.

 

better than you

21. The ‘better than you’

If you’ve done something or been somewhere, so have they. And they did it ten times better don’t you know.

 

planner

22. The planner

Everything is planned on the itinerary down to the minute. You’re in for a world of pain if you dare suggest something that isn’t scheduled.

 

one bagger

23. The one bagger

Their entire life is carried in a single bag and they’re happy to get by with only seven pairs of pants they wash weekly. You’ll find the belongings they left behind all over the world though.

 

 

Have you met any types of traveller not on this list?

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