“We’re to go straight to the hotel and she’ll pick us up from there. Simon do you want a boiled egg? She’ll pick us up from the hotel. EGGS Simon, do you want a BOILED EGG?”
She was talking to her partially deaf husband on the train to the Sri Lankan tea hills, completely nonplussed about the beautiful views outside. I nicknamed her Two Soups because of her uncanny resemblance to the Acorn Antiques character. I still think about Two Soups every now and then; definitely when I see boiled eggs.
You meet some characters when you travel, and no doubt you’re on someone else’s list of weirdos they met while travelling. Here are 23 types of traveller you’ve probably already experienced on holiday.
1. The flirt
They’ll turn on the charm to get a freebie; from the barman, the front desk, the tour guide. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t – but it provides some entertainment, that’s for sure.
2. The tight arse
This traveller has a budget and they stick to it. Only a small gelato accounted for? Only a small gelato they’ll get. Expect a gift from the airport too.
3. The anxious
Everything needs to be thought through, just in case something goes wrong. They’re the ones stationed in front of the departure boards at the airport and asking all the questions during a group trip.
4. The trust fund traveller
They’re using mum and dad’s cash to explore Australia, probably in a camper van and posting daily pensive beach selfies to Facebook.
5. The heartbroken
They’ve just been jilted so decided to get out there and see the world themselves. Ain’t no-one gonna keep this traveller down!
6. The heartbreaker
We’ve all experienced them. The guy who spends most of his time shirtless and just happens to know all the chords to every Ed Sheeran song on the acoustic guitar. Or the girl whose suitcase is full of bikinis, angling for compliments about her beach body.
7. The ‘been there, done that’
They’ve been everywhere and done everything, so they’re not entirely sure why they’re here for a second time around. If anything, they’re boring you senseless.
8. The flashpacker
They’re your traditional backpacker, but with added iPhone, iPad, the latest DLSR, Macbook, GoPro and battery pack.
9. The always connected
They can be found whinging about the lack of WiFi on an African safari, or scrolling Twitter while everyone else enjoys the amazing views of the Grand Canyon. They’ll only look up once they’ve uploaded 100 selfies to Facebook.
10. The soul searcher
The travellers who’ve been to Rome for the food, India for spiritual awareness, and Bali for ‘the one’. Wait, didn’t someone write a book about that?
11. The catwalker
Every holiday is a fashion show for the catwalker. They’ll turn up for a hike in flip flops and tiny denim shorts, or appear at the pool in the least practical swimsuit ever.
12. The walking cliché
Dreads? Check. Same Same t-shirt? Check. Elephant print harem pants? Check. Straw fedora? Check. Kangol sandals? Check. Usually found wandering Southeast Asia.
13. The mid life crisis
A couple or solo traveller who’ve quit their stressful city jobs for a round-the-world trip of a lifetime. They’re a dime a dozen, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.
14. The guidebook
The traveller who spouts endless facts and figures about the place you’re in. Did you know that the first ever shopping mall was built by the Emperor Trajan in Rome? No? Are you still listening?
15. The smug honeymooners
To be found wrapped around each other on a beach-side sunbed, feeding each other strawberries in the hotel restaurant, or mentioning that they’re on honeymoon to anyone who’ll listen.
16. The always late
That one person who’s always lagging behind on a group trip. Where are they? In the loo, lost in the gift shop, still paying for their McDonald’s.
17. The airport hackers
They know all the secrets to making your airport experience a total win – shorter security lines, cheaper parking, freebies, taking food through security…
18. The tipster
You’ll meet the tipster at the hotel bar and get chatting about what your plans are. Next thing you know, they’ve written you an entire itinerary for the rest of your stay.
19. The Brits on tour
Three words: lads, Lynx, booze.
20. The true intrepid
They’re truly fearless, signing up to all the bungee jumps, skydives and white water rafting on offer.
21. The ‘better than you’
If you’ve done something or been somewhere, so have they. And they did it ten times better don’t you know.
22. The planner
Everything is planned on the itinerary down to the minute. You’re in for a world of pain if you dare suggest something that isn’t scheduled.
23. The one bagger
Their entire life is carried in a single bag and they’re happy to get by with only seven pairs of pants they wash weekly. You’ll find the belongings they left behind all over the world though.
Have you met any types of traveller not on this list?
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