A few months ago me and my fella had quite a serious chat. We decided we wanted to live together. We were drunk at the time, which is obviously when the best decisions are made…right?

After several months of dragging my size seven feet, we finally set a moving in date. It’s in less than a month. He’s building storage space, throwing things away so there’s room in the wardrobe and we’ve told our respective friends and family. Basically there’s no going back now. I’ll be living with a boy.

Even though I love this man very much, I’m terrified about this. Here’s why:

1. Been there, done that, lost the T-Shirt

Moved in before

I’ve tried living with a boy before, and it did not go well. Basically it went as bad as it could possibly go. We argued, spent nights alone on the sofa, argued, and then argued some more. I started off thinking he was the man of my dreams, and by the end I thought he was a useless prick.

We spent so much time together we fell out of love. What if this happens again?

2. I’m the Stig of the Dump

laminated sign

My room is regularly described as “a tip”. Even when I tidy it, within hours it resembles a rubbish dump, with clothes strewn all over the floor like I’ve just been burgled. Even at my boyfriend’s house there’s regularly a pile of clothes thrown halfway across the room as I try to find that top I washed last week but couldn’t be bothered to hang up.

He’s so clean that he printed a sheet for his housemates to show them how to load a dishwasher. And then laminated it.

3. I like my space and trash TV

geordie shore

Although I spend about 99.9% of my time at his place already, I really enjoy that 0.1% of time in my own bedroom, alone, watching trash TV. Will this have to go if there’s always a boy around? How many episodes of Geordie Shore will this living arrangement cost me?

4. I’m a mental case (literally)

me after panic attack
I look fine but I had the worst depression I’ve had to date when this was taken.

One of the biggest reasons I’m so scared to be living with a boy and with someone I love so dearly is because I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’ve written about this topic many times but never been brave enough to admit I’ve written it. But I’m proud to say I’m Unsorry about my mental health these days.

Living with someone with a mental illness can be really hard though. The comedian Felicity Ward sums it up really well when she says every time she comes home her fiancé has play a game of “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”. One minute I’m happy and full of smiles, the next I’m crying, don’t want to talk, don’t want to go out and turn my duvet into a snuggly fortress.

If depression and anxiety is exhausting and so hard for me, what on earth is someone who doesn’t suffer from that going to feel?

5. I like to argue argue, I like to argue!

argument

When I’m close to someone I can be an argumentative so-and-so. Although I hate confrontation I’m not afraid to tell it like it is and tell someone they’re being a burke. Problem is I can only do this with people I’m incredibly close to, and unfortunately for my boyfriend he’s one of those people.

He’s never criticised for me a single thing, I criticise him practically every week without even realising. How long is he going to be able to handle that?

6. I love my current home

my actual home

I’ve lived in my current house for just over three years and it’s the only place that’s truly felt like home from the start. My bed is comfy (always good for someone who suffers from depression), and my housemates are like my sisters who have changed my life and supported me through the good times, the bad, and the really bad. I just feel happy whenever I’m there with them all.

I’m moving from my home into someone else’s home. What if I end up just feeling like a guest?

Home

Despite all these worries, I still want to live with this man of mine. I’ve been taking advice from friends, reading the excellent tips from Unsorry’s very own Amy Hill, been honest with my boyfriend about my worries and I’m slowly becoming less scared…it’s taken several months but I’m almost there. I’m almost living with a boy.

Wish me luck!

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