As far as I’m concerned, I know what’s up. I listen to Radio 1 (and switch it off when they play grime). I shop in Topshop (but only for the jewellery). I use Snapchat (when I’m drunk). Until my 13-year-old nephew told me he liked my fresh creps and laughed when I asked what a dab is. Then came a sobering realisation – I’m 32 and I’m not even remotely downwivdakids. I mean, I talk about mortgages, follow no one under the age of 27 on Instagram and favour Ikea over Primark.

The truth is, kids of 2016 are a mystery to me. My idea of yoof slang is “wicked” and “man alive” from the 90s and I google internet acronyms at least once a week (BAE is Before Anyone Else in case you were wondering). I can’t be the only one – which is why I’ve put together a little guide for my fellow thirty-somethings so we can figure out what the hell our kids/nieces/nephews/godchildren are on about. But be warned, this shit moves fast. Apparently “on fleek” and “basic” from 2015 are already old news. 

WTF does that mean?

Peak
Awful, appalling, terrible. 
“The teachers are giving you bare shit this week, that’s peak.”
NB: Bare = lots of, very

Dank
Brilliant, top notch, excellent.
“I went to a house party last night and it was dank AF.”
NB: AF = as fuck

dank

Peng
Someone attractive and/or sexy. Or something you like e.g. food or clothes related.
“Justin Bieber is welllll peng.” or “That jumper is peng, where did you get it?”

Snatched
Anything that looks really good. It’s the new “on fleek”, “on point” or “slaying”.
“Your eyebrows are snatched!”

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Fresh creps 
New trainers.
“I got some sick fresh creps for Christmas.”
NB: sick = cool

Wavey garms
Excellent clothes.
“Those are some wavey garms, bruv. Is your tshirt new?”
NB: Bruv = mate

Lit
Amazing, incredible.
“Drake’s new album is lit.”
NB: Often used with the fire emoji

tzqzi-jpg

Melt
Idiot.
“Shut up you melt.”

Dead trim
Bad haircut.
“Look at your dead trim, did your mum cut it?”

I know. Flippin’ confusing, right? It doesn’t stop there though.

Werk that twerk

Remember how MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This, PJ and Duncan’s Let’s Get Ready to Rumble, and Michael Jackson’s moonwalk had an entire generation of kids throwing some seriously cool shapes at school discos up and down the country? Well, lets just say, 20 years ago we had it good.

pj-and-duncan

In 2013 it was all about the twerk. Last year the kids loved to whip nae nae. This year the dab is THE move. And the key to a successful dabbing experience is pretending to sneeze into your elbow, apparently. (Dabbing the dance move is not to be confused with dabbing the recent marajuana craze where people consume a concentrated version of the plant to get bare high).

giphy

But be under no illusion that copying these moves will make you cool. Whichever way we dance, we ultimately look like this grandma to anyone under the age of 20.

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Tunes (put your hands into a T shape)

Lastly we come to a crucial element of every teen’s existence: music.

Enter the official top 40 singles chart, which these days is probably a fairer representation of how successful a release is because teens don’t use a cassette tape to record their favourite songs off the Sunday afternoon chart show. They just download them from iTunes and listen via their Beats headphones.

What have the yoof been listening to this year? I think it’s important to point out these guys sang about faking it with a lad from One Direction and reached number 1. That same lad from One Direction also released a song called Pillowtalk in 2016, which was all about pissing off the neighbours by getting up to stuff in bed. That reached number 1 too. *thumbs up*

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The ONLY saving grace for this generation is that Sean Paul (pronounced Seana Paul for those in the know) is still in the top 10. Ahem.

And so the guide to yoof is complete. They’ll no longer be any need for us to secretly google every second word uttered by our younger counterparts – until next week when it will all change again and we’ll be none the wiser once more. Laterz, fam.

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