When you’ve been single for a significant amount of time, it’s easy to wonder where the stumbling block truly lies. Emma-Louise Trotter asks: Am I the reason I’m single?

Grab a brew, get comfy, I’m going to share a little with you…

I’ve been single for 7 years. SEVEN YEARS. Save a 4 month dalliance, there hasn’t been a sniff of a relationship. I’ve done all the things every well-meaning, coupled-up friend and family member suggests. I’m ‘out there’, I date, I go out, I say yes to blind dates, I chat to guys in bars if I like the look of them. On paper I’m doing everything right. Yet here I am with no meaningful prospects anywhere to be seen. 

Every man I have dated has met their ‘one’ straight after me. Five serious relationships and all of them are still with the people they met after our relationship failed. Which makes me think; it’s not them, it’s me. 

So as an avid list writer, I poured myself a glass of red, got a notepad and pen and made a list of the reasons I think I’m single…I’d love to know your thoughts! 

am i the reason i'm single

Does dressing as a shark or wearing a cardboard beard have any connection to me being single?

Reason I’m Single No. 1

I’m a passionate-about-life kind of gal. I go head first into most things, when it comes to dating that means I have a tendency to come on way too hard way too early when I like someone.

I think I panic that if I don’t show them I like them, they’ll never know and leave to find someone who doesn’t basically dry hump their leg.  

I trust my instincts in matters of love, instead of keeping a level head and engaging in the strategic battle that relationships are in the early stages. I jump into organising dates on Bumble before I really get to know guys properly.

Reason I’m Single No. 2

I’m overweight. About 6 stone overweight.

I’m not saying fat girls can’t find love, because that’s nonsense and I know it. However I think it affects the way I feel about myself, the way I feel about other people and how they see me and, most of all, being fat does seem to limit the men who are interested in me to a narrow group who seem to search for larger girls, and if I’m honest they tend to make a BIG deal about LOVING my size, which honestly makes me throw up a little in my mouth. 

Reason I’m Single No. 3

I’m too good at being on my own.

There’s nothing I think I need from a man, it’s only when I realise the things I want from one that my singleness looms over me.

I live alone and when a lovely friend came to stay, despite me loving his company for two days, I was glad when he left to have my house back to myself.

I prefer sleeping in my own bed. In fact I’d rather be at home in general. I can do all the ‘man’ jobs around my house without assistance and have a number of toys to help with the more personal ‘needs’. 

Reason I’m Single No. 4

I’m impatient. I don’t want to have to wait ages to get to the comfortable bit of a relationship, I want to skip all the game playing and wondering about ‘where this is going’ stage. I just want to be with someone. 

hello my name is single

Reason I’m Single No. 5

I choose the wrong men. The Married Man, The Emotionally Damaged Chap, The Boy Who Doesn’t Really Like Me Just Wants A Casual Shag… the list goes on.

I’m sure a professional would tell me it’s due to my fear of being hurt, or my struggle with genuine intimacy that goes beyond physical acts. All I know is I can spot a baddun at 100 paces (and yet, here I am…). Learning to unlearn this behaviour is proving to be a struggle. 

Am I the reason I'm single? An introspection Click to Tweet

So there you have it, the reasons I think I’m the reason I’m single.

It’s been a long time, and I’m hoping that a little introspection might help me shake off some of the “issues” I’ve identified, not to mention get my arse to the gym and eating better so I feel happier in myself. 

Am I the reason I’m single?

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